The Life Of A Cyborg

Last Thursday I had a cardiac event monitor stuck to my chest... this thing is to be worn for a week and is intended to record (under my instruction) any heart 'events' I feel over that time. I have two electrodes attached - a white one on my top right of chest, and a red one on my left ribcage - and the physical monitor box with a big yellow button which hangs around my neck.



The idea is that when I feel an 'attack' or some abnormal event with my heart, I press the button. Normally this isn't an issue, however, I've been told I can only record five events on the monitor and any subsequent presses must only be for events considered more serious than those previously recorded.

I do get to remove the sticky pads up to twice a day to shower but the horrid gel gunky stuff is really starting to adhere to my skin and leave some red raw patches. Not to mention the discomfort of the itching when I get warm and sweaty :(

Whilst it may look fairly simple, placement of the top electrode is really inconvenient when it comes to being able to wear something to conceal it. It really doesn't bother me with the monitor or the electrodes or wires being visible, but there are times when it'd be nice to not know it's there. So I walk around with this device clearly suspended from my neck, and to be fair, most people haven't questioned it because they assume it's something along the lines of an mp3 player as they don't see the electrodes.

Mum stood behind me in the bathroom this morning as I was doing my hair. I could see she was studying the wires attached to my torso. Suddenly my hair straightener beeped at me to say it was at optimal temperature, but all mum knew was that there was an electronic twittering sound that just occurred. She looked at me with the "what was that?" panic. Perhaps she thought my monitor box and wires were about to explode!

So, once this thing comes off on Wednesday morning, I have an appointment with my cardiologist on the 29th of April to discuss results and what to do next. Now, my condition is well reported after dealing with it, medically, for the last 17 years. But because it's been 10 years since my last surgery and major procedure for it, we're trying to assess the current state of the condition(s). I would like for the next step to be an implantable monitor - it's about the size of a USB flash drive and is inserted under the skin above the heart. It can last up to three years depending upon battery life, and transmits wirelessly to a receiver whenever I tell it to record a significant event. I'm sure you can see from the geeky perspective as to why I'd want such a device, but from the health perspective I'd like to be able to come off my medication, monitor my condition over that longer period of time and see what my 'native' heart status is without any form of drug interference. This will allow the specialists to determine if I require more surgery to fix the issue, or if it's best left alone/treated with drugs.

In a mouthful or with little nibbles?

I was just offered a Ferrero Rocher and as I hurriedly unwrapped the golden foil I pondered what the correct etiquette for consuming such a delectable item is.

See, the trouble with consumables made in the 'mouthful' size range is that whilst it's fine to shovel one in whole when you're on your own and nobody else can see you, it can often be perceived as being greedy and gluttonous when in company.

But to take bites out of something that can be consumed in one hit seems silly and time wasting... not to mention it probably looks like someone imitating a rat, gnawing on a chunk of cheese. Besides, why would you bite in to something which has a fragile shell, and nut pieces which will inevitably fall off when disturbed from their chocolate setting, hence running the risk of losing parts of aforementioned delectable item?

Stuff appearance and etiquette.. just woof the chocolate down!

One man's trash...

...should often be considered everyone's trash!

I have a routine of going to the Dodgers car boot sale during the sun-rising hours of the second Sunday of each month. This is one of the largest boot sales on the Gold Coast, and many a bargain find has been achieved over the years - everything from electrical appliances, to baby furniture and home decor items. But it never ceases to amaze me the amount of sheer crap that is on display in anticipation of being sold.

Many items are damaged, not in working order, rusty, missing parts, old and smelly and even mouldy, and some are just downright dangerous. This weekend past I saw a bloke walk away from the sales with a half spool of curling ribbon, tin of paint which looked as though it had been hidden in someone's garage for about 25 years, and a rusty and chipped saw. In the case of the saw, an item you can pick up new from Bunnings for about ten bucks, why would you even consider buying a relict old piece of junk from a boot sale (unless of course it was purchased for it's "character", but I'm seriously doubting that!)?

I'm not sure what's worse - that someone is willing to sell this stuff, or that someone is willing to buy it.

Nicknames

Nicknames... have you got one? Do you refuse to acknowledge the one you have? C'mon tell me, what is it?

Of course I'm referring to those terms of endearment graced upon you by others, as either a bastardisation of your name, or some cutesy type reminder of some embarrassing childhood moment as opposed to those macho self-indulgent screen names you generate as the staple identity of your online persona.

I bought this topic up because of a comment on my last blog post where I was referred to as Manda-Panda. I really haven't heard that in about 15 years when a classmate used to bellow it out across the room in an attempt to reduce me to a quivering puddle of embarrassment. In addition to the simplistic variations on my name (Mandy, Manda) it often became Mandy-Moo or as per my parents nickname for me, Lou (shortened from my middle name, Louise).

Other than that, I don't believe I've ever had another nickname bestowed upon me... and somehow I don't think Bitch falls in to this category!