So I'm feeling a tad bit lost lately. Perhaps I'm now more lonely than ever. The last couple of days have had a strange impact on me - I've wanted to get out and about; I need to talk, to interact, to socialise in a real sense. All this online chat just doesn't have the scope for experience and sensation anymore. But I wont drop to another level to fulfill the feelings I need.I like my luxury. I like my name brands which supposedly represent luxury. It's comfort to me... and in no way intimidating. There's nothing wrong with a little (or lot of) class or style or quality. I wont apologise for that.
Don't get me wrong, I don't flaunt the brand thing, and declare ownership of such things in an extroverted and promotional nature.
But you can't even pretend to compare what it's like under a damask cover when you don't even have a valence on your own bed!I was recently advised to put on a front, to polish up the facade in being nice to people and pretending all is well (which I actually take as an insult suggesting that I'm not nice to people in the first instance - but that's a whole other story). I can't do that - at least not for the sake of fitting in. It's just like being back in school - fake it to make it. No, that's not how life is meant to be. I wont lie to myself, and henceforth I wont lie to other people.
It just seems that now I've put the walls up higher and deeper. I really am tired of just doing as per others, for their convenience and my acceptance. If I have to hang about in my own solitude for a little longer, so be it. What comes in the end will be worth it, and more than anyone has ever shown before. And in the meantime, all the more goose down quilt for me to snuggle under!
